Do you tell your kids how beautiful they are, or how smart they are? This past Tuesday's conversation with Nicole Gardner reminded me once more how dangerous praise – at least the wrong kind of praise – is.Read the show notes for today's episode, about how to make sure you're giving the right kind of praise (and not the harmful kind of praise) by clicking the link below…

You'll also find an installment of my new YouTube video series, Parents Time-Out, that addresses this issue as well – if you've only got a few minutes, but you want to understand how praise can hurt, the video is the place to start.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/162 to check it out, and have a great day!

Recently I attended a presentation about all the key stuff happening in our kids' brains, in which today's guest, Nicole Gardner of the Bezos Family Foundation, shared research, stories, and ideas that resonated so deeply with me, I knew I needed to get her on the show.

I learned that:
– babies' brains create millions – millions! – of new neurons every second
– young kids are all set to learn what they need to know, they come equipped with the best educational tools built-in
– the single most important learning tool they need from their environment: trusted adults

Today's conversation dives into raising kids in the best possible environment, taking advantage of the science around this subject and really cultivating a great relationship with our kids – something we want anyway, right?

Click weturnedoutokay.com/161 for show notes and key links, including to a really cool app for parents, the Daily Vroom!

Does your child ever get into arguments, verbal or otherwise? What's your instinct when this happens – do you want to jump in and smooth everything over?

That's not an unusual reaction, because we parents really hate it when our kids fight!

In this Just You and Me episode, we dig into why "smoothing everything over" is detrimental to our children's development, and what to do instead.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/160 for show notes and key links, including to the wonderful conversation I had while sitting out on the playground – where kids played as we spoke – at Miss Tanya's Nursery School!

Each week I send out a "what's on the podcast this week" email to people who signed up for a free guide or a free online class – and this week, I screwed up royally about an episode of We Turned Out Okay!

I wrote the email update for this past week well before I recorded the episode that went up this past Thursday, and as a result what I said would be this week's Your Child Explained episode wasn't.

If you received the email and you were scratching your head about it, I'm so sorry!

I recorded this bonus episode to make it up to you…

In it, I answer two issues, both brought up by a member of the Ninja Parenting Community (it had been a pretty rough couple of weeks for this member, making me so glad she had us to turn to):

1) "Part of the challenge I'm having is with exaggerated statements like "writing kills me" or "you always make me do this."

2) "Later there was a meltdown about wanting Daddy, instead of Mommy."

I address both issues in this bonus episode, I hope it's helpful!

PS – Want to get on my email list yourself? Go to weturnedoutokay.com and click the image link in the sidebar (you'll know which one : )

PS again – head over to https://weturnedoutokay.com/ninja-parenting-community-login/ to see how you could become a member of the Ninja Parenting Community.

It's been a busy few weeks in the Ninja Parenting Community – I counted twenty different issues that parents in there are collectively dealing with – and I knew that, if they're having these issues, most likely so are you!

Lots of them are bigger issues – but some of them can be resolved so easily. In today's episode, I talk about one of the latter, and how simply by changing one phrase to a related, but different phrase makes disciplining our kids lots easier.

The reason has to do with child development, and the simple fact that kids aren't just small adults; they have a completely different way of understanding the world from us. Once we know that, it makes everything else easier.

To find out more about today's ninja tactic, listen to this short-and-sweet episode, or go to weturnedoutokay.com/159 for show notes and key links!

Today's guest, a medical ethicist (in other words, a person who helps determine what is ethical in people's health), took my breath away with his eloquent words on stuff that impacts young children every day.

Dr. Arthur Caplan, professor of bioethics in the Department of Population Health at NYU's Langone Medical Center, and I talk about everything from cloning mammoths to stopping malaria and the Zika virus… and also what the average person can do to improve their – our – lives.

Dr. Caplan shares his strong feelings on the academic pressures placed on elementary school age kids today, and what he says sure gives me hope.

I know you're going to love our conversation! To read the notes, and to grab the key links, visit weturnedoutokay.com/158.

Any graduations, weddings, vacations, or visits with family coming up in your life?
If you're nervous about how your child will behave, hopefully we can help you feel better by the end of this episode!

As I see it, there are three steps to getting our little kids to behave out in the world (at least – most of the time…)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/157 for the show notes, including an outline of the 3 steps, for a picture of "the wedding where we do karate," and for key links that come up in this episode!

Today, we're bringing you another great parent-coaching call with one of our Ninja Parenting Community members!

Like many children, Sabrina's youngest daughter struggles with the family's morning routine. She likes to be independent, she doesn't like "to be told," and oftentimes she is not hungry for breakfast before school.

Sabrina brings up a whole host of issues having to do with routine, following the rules, and the natural consequences of a child's actions.

If you're experiencing any concerns in any of those areas – and with kids, who isn't? – you're going to love today's episode!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/156 for the show notes and key links in today's episode, including the link to a book Sabrina has found helpful, It's Okay Not to Share.

Today, Ashley Milne-Tyte of The Broad Experience podcast returns to We Turned Out Okay, and our conversation goes in a direction I hadn't anticipated: how women can take on too much, become overwhelmed, and end up unhappy and possibly even ill.

Because Ashley's podcast focuses on "women in the workplace," our conversation starts out with the focus on women and moms. But somewhere in here, we stop talking just about women – and start talking about parents. Parental guilt is a thing, and not just among the moms!

Today's episode is big-picture, and Ashley shares a tremendous weapon that we all have in our possession, something that helps us alleviate parental guilt and make our lives, and our children's, better.

I hope you enjoy our conversation!

For show notes, key links, and to sign up for tomorrow's NPC FAQ Q&A – where you get your questions answered about the Ninja Parenting Community and you also get a FREE copy of my book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics – go to weturnedoutokay.com/155!

What if there was one question you could ask – and the result would be a more harmonious home? (I know, I don't love the word harmonious either, but it really fits here, so I'm sticking with it.)

A harmonious home is one in which the people who live there enjoy each other's company, at least more often than not. Differences are worked out peacefully, everybody's needs are met, and it just feels like a good place to be.

We're looking at how to make that home a reality in the first of a series I'm creating to help you have:
– Less strife at home
– Better relationships, including smoother experiences out in the world with your young child
– Nobody living in your basement when they're thirty

Today is all about the at-home part, digging into how you can have a more harmonious home.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/154 for the show notes and key links – including the sign-up button for our upcoming NPC FAQ Q&A on Wednesday, May 10th, 2017 at 1 PM EST!

Today, a listener question about kids and bad language:

"My four-year-old has picked up some bad language from other kids in her class. How should I deal with being called "dog face"!!

This can seem like a puzzle to which we parents just don't have the answer. If you're feeling like that, listen in! In today's episode I share how to prepare for when your child throws something like this that you – and how to handle it in the moment.

For full show notes, including an easy-to-remember plan in answer to listener Nicola's full question, and the button to download my How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, go to weturnedoutokay.com/153!

Rarely am I speechless – in life or podcasting – but today's guests took my breath away with their observations of real young adults who grew up without open-ended play in their lives.

Lisa Daly and Miriam Beloglovsky, authors and professors, know a lot about how easy it is for a child growing up today to have zero practical knowledge. It's because their lives were spent preparing for, and taking, tests.

Now as adults, these young people score really well on tests… But cannot accomplish simple tasks such as using screwdriver. Imagine not having the mechanical knowledge to use a screwdriver!

Thankfully, Daly and Beloglovsky spend their days teaching tomorrow's teachers, and have a wonderful go-around for this burgeoning problem. And, it is burgeoning – more and more young people leave high school without any practical knowledge, move out into the world looking really well-prepared on paper, but lacking competence and confidence in many key areas of their lives.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/152 for show notes and key links to this mind-blowing conversation with two thoughtful, engaged people!

Recently I spoke with a mom to 2- and 4-year-old girls. Her youngest is just starting to push back (as all 2-year-olds do) – and she's pushing back some times really disrespectfully!

Shouting "no!"

Sometimes lashing out.

Refusing, disrespectfully, to do what her mom needs her to do.

Sound familiar? That's why we're including this subject in the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Find out how to handle it when your child is disrespectful by clicking weturnedoutokay.com/151, where you'll find show notes and key links – including the sign up to the free, live wrap-up to the Common Parenting Challenges series, happening Thursday, April 20, 2017 at 8 PM EST!

We're going big-picture today, talking about Einstein's idea that "the most important question facing humanity is, "is the universe a friendly place?"

Our answer to this question shapes how our children will answer this question; if we feel surrounded by enemies, so will our sons and daughters. Is that what we really want for them?

Or, do we want our children to feel themselves surrounded by friends?

For full show notes – and to sign up for next week's free, online, interactive class, Common Parenting Challenges and How to Handle Each, go to weturnedoutokay.com/150!

Today's episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I've been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We've been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you're going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part two of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Today's topics: stay-at-home dads, the benefits of unconventional (read: "weird") parenting, and raising kids to do what they love – even if you can't see how that might be useful later.

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/149 for show notes and key links, including the sign-up for my upcoming free, live online class in how to alleviate Common Parenting Challenges!

"When [my young daughter] is being impatient or persistent about doing something: at this age, how would I teach her to be patient?"

When listener Sherif asked this question recently, I knew it had to be part of the Common Parenting Challenges series!

Sherif asks some really pertinent follow-up questions:
– Is that possible at this age?
– Should I just distract her with something else?
– Should I stand my ground which will make her upset?
– If I give in to what she wants, is this teaching her how to always get her way?

Go to weturnedoutokay.com/148 to learn how to teach patience to your young child – and to sign up for the upcoming free, live Common Parenting Challenges online class, coming up Thursday, April 20!

Back in episode 140, parenting author KJ Dell'Antonia gave us many more great ideas than could be digested in one conversation… So for the first time in We Turned Out Okay history she's got 3 Your Child Explained episodes all to herself!

In our conversation KJ commented: "after a month we get tired of nagging, "… it's easier just to load this dishwasher myself…" and then we do - and then we're back to square one."

Today: the one thing you can do in your parenting that makes everything else either easier or unnecessary! (Can you tell I've been reading The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan?)

Click weturnedoutokay.com/147 to to listen, to sign up for tonight's (Thursday, March 30, 2017, 8 PM EST) live, free NPC FAQ Q&A (at which you can grab a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, my e-book that helps you handle everything your little kids can throw at you) AND to sign up for the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class coming up in April!

Today's episode – which has some swears, please listen away from your kids or with headphones – is one I've been working on putting together for a really long time: in it, a corporate lawyer, a midwife, and I sit down in a roundtable and discuss 3 topics really relevant to you, one chosen by each of us.

Corporate lawyer and mom-of-2 Angela Gregory lived down the street from us until just a few years ago, and has been a great role model for me about how to follow your passion as the family breadwinner and support your loved ones as the kids grow up.

Midwife and mom in a blended family of five children Dina Fraize has also been a great role model, showing how to embrace the chaos in a large family and raise thoughtful, engaged young men.

We've been friends now for years, since our kids were pretty small, and I know you're going to get so much out of our conversation! Or should I say, conversations… this is part one of 2 roundtables because we just had so much to talk about.

Up for discussion today: how to not raise a-holes, The French Toast Alert System and how the culture of fear really messes with parents of young children, and making sure sure that we don't put the wrong kinds of pressure on our young kids!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/146 for show notes and key links, including sign-up links to two upcoming free, live online classes I'm teaching: 1) the FAQ Q&A about the Ninja Parenting Community coming up THIS Thursday, March 30 and where you can get a free copy of my parenting book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics and 2) the Common Parenting Challenges class coming up April 20!

"My four-year-old daughter is fine with our schedule a lot of the time. But sometimes she rejects it altogether! How can I make it so she's going along?"

Recently I spoke with a mom who shared 3 key parenting struggles; I knew that you'd be struggling (most likely, anyway) with the same stuff, so I've put together a series of Common Parenting Challenges based on our conversation.

Today, we dig into scheduling!

Sometimes kids really rail against a schedule of any kind. How to help? Listen to today's episode : )

Click weturnedoutokay.com/145 for complete show notes and key links – including "Helping Marla Streamline Busy Mornings" episode 82, and to sign up for two things: the upcoming free, live NPC FAQ Q&A on March 30, 8 PM EST (where you can get a free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics); and the free, live Common Parenting Challenges class on Thursday night April 20, 8 PM EST!

A few weeks ago, in episode 140, guest KJ Dell'Antonia dropped so many knowledge bombs that I knew we'd need more than one Your Child Explained to really comprehend them all.

Here's part 2 of 3 – all about homework and how to intervene when your child can't take anymore!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/144 for show notes, links to last fall's homework episode and conversation with the president of the American Academy of Pediatrics – and to sign up for the free, live NPC FAQ Q&A I'm hosting Thursday night, March 30 at 8 PM EST (where you can grab your free copy of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, the book that helps you handle every challenge your kids throw at you!)

"How do I keep my kids safe online? How do I keep my devices safe from hackers?"

If you've ever asked yourself either of these questions, you are going to love today's episode.

Today's guest, Rich Stearman, president of the web design company Ashdown Technologies, addresses these issues and lots more on the show!

Ben, our boys, and I have been really close with Rich, his wife Kathy, and their boys for decades – since before either of us couples had any kids, in fact.

Rich is our go-to guy for technology questions; I asked him onto the show so that he can be your go-to guy as well! (At least for the length of this episode : )

True to form, our conversation ranges far and wide, and there's a lot more great parenting information in here than merely about technology.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/143 for key links and to listen!

You don't want your kids to have any more screen time – and your spouse plops them in front of the tube. You know that giving in to a temper tantrum is the fastest route to more, and longer, temper tantrums; yet your spouse gives in again and again.

Sound familiar?

Today we talk all about how to handle when your spouse isn't on the same page (and your page is the right page).

Recently while talking with a mom of 2 young girls, some pretty major - and common - parenting issues came up. I knew that, if this mom is struggling with these issues, that you probably are as well!
Hence our series: Common Parenting Challenges. Join us during the March and April Just You and Me episodes as we address these parenting challenges one by one!

Read the show notes, get the How to Handle Every Temper Tantrum guide, and listen to the show by going to https://weturnedoutokay.com/142!

During Tuesday's guest conversation, mom and author KJ Dell'Antonia shared the results of a pretty big (1000-person) survey of parents she commissioned as research for her upcoming book.

The thing that parents worry about most?
"Discipline," KJ shares.

Discipline enters into many aspects of our parenting lives.

It's firmness in enforcing rules; consistency in keeping routines established; being good models for our children.

During our conversation, I share a lesson taught to me long ago, in my first years of teaching, about "not moving our kids' walls."

KJ was so taken with this idea that she quotes me in her blog this week!

Click weturnedoutokay.com/141 to listen, and to read about how moving our children's walls creates the bad behavior we really don't want to see.

Today's guest didn't set out to be a writer. But after getting her law degree and being a practicing attorney for six years, she made a discovery: law just wasn't her thing; instead, she found, she was a writer.

In the spirit of finding stuff out through writing, KJ Dell'Antonia began freelancing about motherhood; she's written for Slate magazine, Parenting magazine, Parents magazine, and many others. She is now a contributing editor and columnist on the Well Family page at the New York Times, and currently on book leave to write – what else? – a book that's going to help us be happier in our parenting.

KJ shares where her research for this as-yet-unnamed parenting book is taking her, and you're going to be thrilled because she's investigating all the problems that you are most likely currently living with!

To find out how to handle getting your kids to do more around the house, how to help with homework, and how to be a part of KJ's chores project (i.e.: getting your kids to do more chores) click weturnedoutokay.com/140!

When listener Marcy wrote recently, asking for help with her son, whom "counselors and therapists believe may be suffering from depression and anxiety," and the decision to either keep him in school or pull him out to homeschool, I initially thought I'd answer her question in a Your Child Explained episode, and address the school-homeschool decision.

On reflection, however, I saw something bigger in Marcy's question and decided to focus this Just You and Me episode on the bigger issue: how to help when a child is anxious or depressed.

Kids can be anxious and/or depressed for any number of reasons.

As parents, even if we are not completely sure what's causing the worries and anxiety, it's our job to do everything we can to help.

Click weturnedoutokay.com/139 to read Marcy's full question and the three ways I identify to help, as well as links to other helpful resources!